Every shade Of Blue
by Em.Celle
Summary: It's never too late for love.
1. Chapter 1

_**Title;**_ _Every shade of Blue._

 _ **Pairing;**_ _Bo/Lauren._

 _ **Rating;**_ _T._

 _ **...**_

 _ **We might be two kids without their jackets.**_

 _ **...**_

 _10._

She flicks her cigarette and taps her feet. Counting to ten and counting from ten in an effort to calm herself. Not that it's working, there's too much caffeine and adrenaline pumping in her veins right now and she's never really been what you would call a _calm_ person, it's too tall of an order to try and be one now.

Still, she gives it her best shot and does her best not to insult the people waiting in line outside the phone booth, it's not the best time to insult people.

"Come on, Kenz," she mumbles as the phone keeps ringing. It's so very unlike her sister to keep away from her phone.

From the minute she turned thirteen and got one of the things, it's always in her fingers tapping away on one site or the other. It used to annoy Bo to not end, now it's a fond memory.

Now almost everything is a fond memory.

"Hey lady! Would you hurry the fuck up, we have family to call too!"

All it takes is that one man yelling for the whole crowd waiting in line to realize that yes, they can actually bully her into getting the hell out of the booth.

They start calling names and threatening to burn her inside the damn thing if she doesn't get out.

She has no doubt they will.

She tucks the cigarette to the side of her lips and bangs the phone on the holder and storms out. Yelling obscenities because she's fucking frustrated and if they can insult her, then she can insult them too.

 **/**

She's still reeling when she slumps down ungracefully on a seat.

Angry at Kenzi and the crowd and herself and the world because dammit did this have to happen now?

When she's miles and miles away with no way to get home.

"Fuck," it's more of a defeated sound than an expletive at this point.

She doesn't know what else to do. Obviously she can't fly. And she doesn't have a car, not anymore anyway. Her phone is dead and finding a place to charge it right now is like trying to find water in the Sahara, people are literally lining up to get their phones charged, she has no more time for queues right now. It took her five fucking hours in line to get into that phone booth and judging by the crowd she saw when she left, it's going to take her a lot more than that to get in again.

She thinks of going back to asking people if maybe they can help her with their phones, but if she failed yesterday, what's to say she'll fair any better today?

"Fuck," this time, there're tears in her eyes when she says that.

She's never felt so defeated in her life. She's always prided herself with her ability to think outside the box, to come up with solutions when the problem seemed too hard to solve, it's why she went into the P.I business. She's good at solving problems.

But now, when she needs it most, she's unable to come up with a _nything._

"Chocolate?"

Her thoughts are cut short and her eyes snap up to meet blank brown ones. She frowns, "sorry?"

"Chocolate." The woman says dryly, extending her hand further,"it'll make you feel better."

Bo is still frowning when she takes the offered bar. It's been days since anyone offered her anything. Even things she begged for. People don't seem very generous at the moment.

"Thanks," she sounds hesitant as she takes the offered treat.

The blonde woman shrugs her gratefulness off, "it's no problem. Besides, you should save your tears for later."

Bo's eyes widen and the woman scrunches her face innocently, "I'm sorry, was that rude?"

"Yeah, a little," Bo nods.

"Oh. You should cry then. Don't- don't save your tears. Cry till your ducts are dry and all your natural body salt is depleted. Cry your heart out."

Bo just stares and then for some reason she will never be able to explain, she starts laughing. Like she hasn't for days. She had even forgotten that she was capable of doing it.

"I'm Bo Dennis, " she introduces herself, wiping a few tears away and laughing little more because tears are now apparently funny to her.

"Lauren. Lauren Lewis." The woman says back, smiling and seemingly proud to have made Bo laugh, "are you feeling better now?"

"Much," Bo bites into her chocolate and closes her eyes for a moment, _the small joys of life, "_ thanks for this." She says again.

"Don't mention it. So, where are you headed?"

"Far West," she answers opening her eyes and sitting up right, "well, I _was_ headed there before my freaking car broke down. Now I'm stuck here and my little sister is all alone and there's nothing I can fucking do about it." She tries keeping the venom out of her voice because it isn't this woman's- Lauren- fault that she bought a faulty car and that some people can still be fucking jerks at a time like this.

"Sorry."

"Not your fault," she runs her fingers through her hair. For a moment, with Lauren making her laugh and chocolate working it's magic on her, she had forgotten that she's in a shitty situation. But now she's back to being more than fully aware of it and it sucks.

"Maybe I can help," she offers after a moment and Bo perks up, "I'm headed West too. I lost my partner and I can't drive all by myself the whole way. So if you're willing to-"

"Yes!" She yells then curbs her enthusiasm when Lauren startles and people stare, " _yes._ I'll even drive the whole way if you want me to."

"I would, but I don't want to get into an accident." Lauren quips smiling, "So, is that all you have or-" she asks pointing at Bo's _Nike_ bag.

"Yeah. And I have money if you need me to chip in for gas or anything."

"Okay." Lauren nods and stands up and motions for Bo to follow her.

 _Finally,_ she thinks a smile that she can't control finding it's way to her face, finally she's catching a break.

/

Lauren's car is tiny and yellow and rusty and Bo doesn't give one flying fuck.

It's honestly the most beautiful thing she has ever seen and she tells Lauren as much when the woman apologises for it.

The blonde just laughs and starts the car, asking Bo what radio station she wants to listen to and scrunching her nose in a way that makes Bo smile when Bo suggests one that plays mainly mainstream pop.

"What do _you_ listen to?" Bo teases, feeling like she can let herself catch a break now that things are finally somewhat going her way.

"Anything but pop."

"Metal."

"Or metal."

Bo laughs and messes with the radio. She skips the news channels because she's more than a little depressed without people asking her to be even more depressed. She skips the talk shows because there's only one thing people are talking of right now and she's not in the mood to hear it, she finally settles on a station playing Jazz music and when she sees Lauren smiling appreciatively, she sits back and lets the music fill the car.

/

"Are you going to see family?"

Bo asks when the silence becomes too much and she feels like she should stop thinking for a while.

"Something like that."

"Vague much?"

"Ha ha," she says dryly then licks her lips in a way that makes Bo think she feels uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry I'm so nosy, it's what I do."

"You're nosy for a living?" Lauren asks the corners of her lips twitching and Bo smiles more out of relief than anything. It would be weird to drive all the way with someone who's uncomfortable being around her.

"Something like that."

"Touche´."

They stay in silence for a minute, with Frank Sinatra's voice filling the car. Making Bo smile from memories of her and Kenzi singing this -wrongly- while dressing to go to one club or the other and she's glad when Lauren's voice pulls her from her thoughts because she doesn't need to think of Kenzi right now unless she wants to start crying.

"My father and I used to make trips when I was younger, before he 'd drive and take photos and sing too loudly and be stupid. Those were the best years of my life and I every year I live them all over again. Usually, I do it in August because he and I used to do it then and mostly I'm a stickler for tradition, but I guess you can understand why I broke it this year. I just- I want to do it one last time, you know?"

Bo nods although she _doesn't_ know. It's always been just her, then it was just her and Kenzi, she doesn't have memories of her and her dad or her and her mom. She just has memories of her and Kenzi. It's all she's ever had worth having.

"I'm a Private Investigator. That's what I meant when I said I'm nosy for a living." She says making Lauren chuckle, "I was following a lead here since last week and I was supposed to be home by yesterday but then my piece of shit car broke down and nobody's got time for fixing cars right now, I tried finding another one but no such luck and my phone died and I couldn't reach my sister and now I'm afraid I won't-" she's crying by the time she's done and Lauren removes one hand from the wheel to tap her back awkwardly.

"Uh- do you want more chocolate?"

She asks tentatively.

Bo sniffs and laughs, wiping her tears away, "yeah. Thanks."

...

 _9_

They have M&Ms for lunch, "I only eat the red ones," Lauren divulges, "it's my favourite color."

After that, every time Bo finds a red one, she hands it over and Lauren takes it with an appreciative smile.

"Where do you think they're going?" Bo asks, looking at the vast number of people walking around, not to mention the obscene number of cars on the road.

"To see their families too, I suppose," Lauren sighs.

They've been stuck in traffic for almost an hour now and it's hot and uncomfortable and she feels like leaving the damn car and running.

She doesn't know how she would have fared had she not met the brunette beside her.

Life is funny sometimes. Just yesterday, she was with Nadia, the woman she thought she was going to spend the rest of her life with before Nadia told her she couldn't spend her entire life fulfilling Lauren's dreams and letting her own die, and now, here she is. With this woman, Bo Dennis.

A woman she doesn't know that much about other than she's beautiful, a P.I and she loves her sister with a fury that Lauren cannot help but admire. It must be nice to have someone so desperate to get to you.

To make sure you know they love you.

Lauren thinks the girl is one of the luckiest people alive.

"I hope they get to them."

Bo breaks her out of her thoughts and Lauren knows she's not just talking about those people, she's talking about her sister too.

She wants to tell her something, offer her a little hope. But she doesn't feel like lying, not only have they just met and Lauren isn't much for dishonesty, but it's also not time for lies, white or otherwise.

Instead, she settles on honking like the rest of the frustrated impatient public.

It's all she can do.

/

"What will you do?" She asks when she notices Bo is thinking too much.

"What?"

"When you get to your sister, what will you do?"

A smile dawns on Bo's face slowly and it's clear she's imagined this scenario more than once, "hug the hell out of her, first of all. Then probably play some video games, listen to music, just _be_ you know?"

"Yeah." She nods. Remembering Nadia for the first time since the woman left although she's been promising herself that she won't waste thoughts on her. She recalls them _being._ In bed, in their studio. " _Just one picture Laure, just one."_ Usually one picture turned into a whole lot of pictures because when it came to them and art, _stop_ wasn't a word they often used.

That's why she thought they would last forever. They had so much in common, and she'd thought- she'd actually been sure that Nadia would love this. It was them and art and a road trip and in Lauren's mind, it had seemed perfect.

" _It's your dream, Laure, not mine."_

She shakes her head and lets go of those thoughts. What's done is done. She hopes Nadia is somewhere, living her dreams right this very moment, whatever they may be.

"Do you want to do anything else, other than what you said of course."

"Not really," she shakes her head because honestly, she hasn't given it much thought. She wanted to remember her father while being with the woman she loves. Now the woman she loves is out of her picture so she's just going to remember her father. She's going to hold on and relieve her best memories for as long as she can.

"What was the lead about?" She asks more for a change of subject than anything else. This isn't the time to think. She's done that all her life and to do it any more won't amount to anything.

She wants to live now.

"Huh?"

"For your case?"

"Oh. The usual, cheating wife. Her husband's been suspecting her for months now and when she told him she's going for a retreat with friends, he got suspicious, told me to tail her."

"What'd you find out?" She suddenly feels curious over the relationship of this woman she doesn't and will never know.

How sad is that?

Bo smirks, "can't tell you that. I signed a confidentiality agreement."

"Come on-" She whines uncharacteristically, "you can't be _that_ mean."

"It's not being mean, it's being _professional."_

 _"_ Please."

"No."

"Fine." She turns to look at the mass movement of people. Men, women, children. Some are carrying luggage and some are empty handed. She knows she told Bo they're probably going to see their families but some of them look like families already so they're probably going somewhere else.

It's oddly fascinating and if this was any other time, she wouldn't have minded taking her time to just look at them. In all their fear and hopelessness. And their courage and hopefulness. the paradox of it would have kept her mind occupied for days.

She wonders if they're going to be offended if she was to take her camera and snap a few photos.

What for? She doesn't know.

"She wasn't cheating."

Bo breaks finally and Lauren turns to her, her interest revived, "seriously?"

"Yeah. She'd just gone for a retreat with her friends. She wouldn't cheat, she loves his insecure ass to bits. She's just young and she needs excitement and it scares him."

"Why wouldn't you tell him that?"

"And throw away an all expense paid trip plus a stay in a three star hotel? Are you _insane?_ Besides, the longer I work, the more I'm paid, the easier it is to pay my bills." Then the smile falls from her face, "not that it matters anymore."

"Yeah," Lauren's smile falls too and all her excitement goes with it, "I suppose it doesn't."

/

They've moved about two walking steps in the past two hours and Lauren is on the verge of either sleeping or screaming her head off when she hears a tap on her window.

"Hi," the woman who seems totally oblivious to the fact that she just scared the living daylights out of her greets politely. Her voice sounds hoarse, like she's been crying too much. She's holding a child in her arms, looks eight or seven or even six, sometimes you can't tell with children at that age. The child looks exhausted and it's perhaps why Lauren doesn't snap at the woman for nearly giving her a heart attack.

"Hello."

"I- I'm sorry, I know I scared you- I just, I need a favour."

"I don't-"

"It's my daughter," she adjusts the child in her arms, "she's not well, her chest-" she sniffs, it seems like it's too much for her to handle and Lauren feels a tad uncomfortable, she doesn't know how to handle people's emotions unless she's known them for a while.

"Do you need a ride or-"

"We're heading in the other direction," the woman cuts her off, "we're supposed to meet with my family.

Now Lauren is _really_ uncomfortable. Does this woman want her to give her the car?

Because if she does she's putting her in a really tough spot. On one hand, the child does seem sick and the woman is beyond desperate. And she wants to help, she does. But on the other hand, there's Bo.

Bo who's keeping Lauren company when she has no one else. Who takes her time to sort out M&Ms so Lauren can have her favourite ones. Who makes her laugh and keeps her thoughts away when they become too much.

Bo who's beyond desperate to get to her sister.

"I-"

"I have a bike." She cuts her off again, "it's in great condition and it has a full tank and I have extra fuel. I'd use it myself, I _have_ been using it. But she can't hold on to me any more and the wind isn't good for her. Please lady- _please."_

The little girl coughs painfully and Lauren knows she doesn't stand a chance. She looks at Bo's sleeping form and hopes the brunette will understand. Then she turns to the lady and asks her if she's _certain_ her bike is in good condition cause it would be shitty as hell if she'd screw Lauren over. And besides, how on earth is she planning on turning the car around in the mess they're currently in?

"I'll find a way," the lady is openly crying now, adjusting her little girl in her arms, " and the bike is okay, I promise."

Lauren sighs and turns to wake Bo up.

...

 _8_

Bo doesn't get why Lauren would trade the car for a motor bike when she knows _nothing_ about how they're operated.

"I was laboring under the illusion that _you_ know how it's done."

She defends, putting on her helmet.

"What made you think that?"

Lauren pointedly looks at her leather pants and Bo just rolls her eyes, "wow, Lauren. Be more stereotypical. I beg you."

"Whatever," Lauren snaps back, frowning when she can't get her chin strap done.

Bo sighs, securing her own helmet and letting her anger melt away, "come here," she takes Lauren's hand and pulls her to her, removing her helmet and handing it to the confused blond. She pushes soft blonde hair to the back of Lauren's head and takes the helmet and puts it on her head, "what if I didn't know how to ride one?"

"But you do?"

"What if I _didn't?_ " she asks getting frustrated again, "or what if I wasn't here at all?" She makes sure the helmet is strapped correctly and stands back, smiling a bit because Lauren does look cute in it, "you can't just disregard your safety because you feel bad for other people, Lauren."

"The little girl was sick!"

"And I get that! I do. I'm not saying you shouldn't have helped them, but you gave them your car, your food _and_ your blankets. You didn't even check to see if the bike really is in good condition and for all you know, she might have given you pee instead of fuel."

Lauren rolls her eyes at Bo's dramatics, "don't be gross." then she thinks about it for a second, "do you really-?"

"No." Bo can't help but laugh, she mounts the bike and looks back at Lauren, clearly telling her to get on, "all I'm saying is until we get to Kenz, you're all I have, and I don't want to lose you."

Then she starts the bike before Lauren can say a word to that.

/

One good thing that the bike has that the car doesn't, is flexibility. Finally, after hours, it feels like they're getting somewhere.

They're no longer stuck.

Another thing, is Lauren's hand on Bo's waist. Holding tight as the blonde buries her face at the back of Bo's neck because she's apparently afraid of speed.

"I'm not even moving that fast." Bo says a little loudly so that Lauren can hear her.

"I don't care," Lauren's voice comes out muffled and it tickles Bo's neck, "you're moving fast enough to make me sick."

"Don't you dare, Lewis."

She warns and laughs when Lauren pinches her.

/

They stop after only an hour because apparently Lauren wasn't joking and she really does feel like retching although Bo is going slower than you'd expect one to on a motor bike.

"You're such a light weight," she says holding Lauren's hair back and rubbing her back under her shirt because when she's sick, she likes it when Kenzi does that and she hopes Lauren likes it too.

"I'll take that as a compliment." Lauren quips.

Bo smiles, if she can still joke around then Lauren isn't feeling that bad and that's more of a relief than Bo expected it to be. She didn't think she'd get attached, even a little, to someone in less than a day, "it wasn't meant as one but, knock yourself out."

She helps Lauren up and moves so that they can sit and rest a bit. She gives her water, feeling bad because she can't give her anything else unless Lauren eats candles seeing as other than water and her bag, that was the only thing Lauren didn't gift to the lady and her sick kid.

"Thanks," Lauren takes a swig of the water and lays her head on Bo's shoulder.

Bo runs her fingers through her hair, wanting to make her feel a bit better, "do you want us to take a break? It's getting dark anyway."

"A break would be nice."

She says, leaning even further into Bo.

/

They're not the only ones taking a break for the night.

There's almost hundreds of people around them.

Kids running around, oblivious to everything that's happening around them. Teenagers drinking in the far end, a small circle formed around a fire. Laughing rowdily and shouting too much. Knowing exactly what's going on but choosing to ignore it. Older people seated in random groups of twos and threes or more but never more than five. Talking quietly. Watching the children with open fondness and the young people with a mixture of envy and disgust.

There's other groups too. Couples, talking quietly. Or a family, some eating others just being and making Bo's heart ache for Kenzi something fierce.

As if reading her thoughts, Lauren squeezes Bo's hand and cuts her off her people watching, "hi." She says shyly.

Bo smiles and unconsciously moves closer, she doesn't have Kenzi right now, but at least she's not alone, "hey."

"You okay?"

"I should be asking you that."

"I've been better," she shrugs and starts drawing random words on Bo's hand with her finger, "thank you for taking care of me."

"It was nothing." Bo blushes and looks away but Lauren squeezes her hand again to catch her attention.

"It was everything."

Before she can answer, a boy approaches them, a smarmy smile on his face, "hey ladies!" He sounds drunk.

"No." Bo says dryly and Lauren snorts at the boy's sad face.

"I haven't even given you my proposition yet."

"Don't care what it is, it's _not_ happening."

He's silent for a moment then he nods like he's discovered the secret to immortality, "oh I see how it is. Ya'll are lesbians. You lesbianing together, huh? I can be down with that. Like if you guys want to _use_ me. Or if you'd rather just do your thing while I watch. I'm down with _anything."_

"Even dislocated joints?" Bo asks, trying to keep her anger at bay.

"Huh?"

"Cause that's what you'll be getting if you don't butt the fuck off, right now."

"I was just-"

"Now!" It's Lauren who yells and his eyes bug out. Before he turns and almost runs away, muttering something about 'gentler sex' or something and leaving Bo and Lauren to look at each other and laugh.

/

"I'm hungry. Do you have any more chocolate on you?"

"No," Lauren reaches into her jacket pocket, "but there's a ring pop."

"Why do you carry ring pops on your person?" she teases, chuckling.

"Do you want to eat or not?"

"Ring pop isn't _food."_

"Oh. Okay then I'll just-"

She snatches it before Lauren can finish her sentence.

/

They set out at day break.

Lauren is still groggy with sleep and Bo puts her helmet on her and zips her jacket for her and tells her to hold on really tight and not dare fall off.

"Shut up."

Is all she says as she lays on the brunette's back.

...

 _7_

Lauren has noticed that Bo isn't the most trusting person. That's why it doesn't come as a surprise to her that when Ernie says they should follow him, she hesitates for a really long while.

They meet Ernie on their way. He was having fuel trouble and Lauren said that they'll help him, in exchange for food,(the food part was Bo's idea.).

He gives them juice boxes and cold pizza that he claims is from last night but honestly, Lauren wouldn't have cared if it was from yesterday morning. She's _that_ hungry.

He looks like a genuinely nice guy and when he gives them canned beans and bread and some more juice boxes for later, Lauren feels like she could hug him. If she was into physical contact with strangers that is.

"Where are you guys headed?"

" Far West."

"Me too. Well, not Far, just West. You guys should come with. I'm taking a short cut, avoiding the cars and all that."

"Yeah that's-"

"No."

"Bo."

"We're good following the main road, it's gotten us this far."

"Oh," Ernie shrugs, "if you're sure. I mean, the road's cool and all, but no cars can pass through the route I'm talking of, it's too narrow and-"

"I said we're fine." Bo snaps.

Lauren offers Ernie an apologetic smile, "would you mind giving us a minute?" he shakes his head, "thanks." She pulls Bo to the side.

"What the hell!" She whispers harshly.

"We hardly know him!"

"I hardly knew _you_ and you hardly knew _me_ and still, here we are."

"It's not the same."

"It's _exactly_ the same."

"No it's not. You're you. All it takes is laying eyes on you to know you wouldn't hurt a fly."

Lauren blushes and scratches the back of her neck. It's not so much what Bo said but how she said it. It makes her feel all warm and odd like because they _just_ met. And yes, the circumstances are odd, but still, "look Bo, I get where you're coming from, I do. But he's going to help us and right now, we could really use the help. A short cut saves on fuel and time, which we really don't have."

"His name is Ernie, Lauren. _Ernie."_ It sounds like she's already giving in, even to Lauren's ears.

"It's a perfectly reasonable name."

"He's named after a Muppet. Don't trust people named after a Muppet. Rule one in _How to not die for dummies._ "

"You're being ridiculous," Lauren dead pans although she feels like laughing at how cute Bo is being.

"I'm being _careful."_

 _"_ Come on," Lauren pulls her towards Ernie who's looking a tad impatient.

"You guys decided whether or not to trust me yet?"

"What's your middle name?" The blonde asks dryly.

"Uh- Charles?"

She turns to Bo, the brunette shrugs like she's not totally on board but _what can you do-_ Lauren turns back to Ernie, "we're coming with you."

/

Ernie- _Charlie_ \- leads them away from the road and for a while Lauren thinks maybe Bo was right. Maybe they shouldn't have trusted him so easily.

But then they get to a narrow road where there hundreds or other motorist and suddenly she's not so scared anymore.

It's hard to be when people are blasting music and yelling from the top of their voices and doing stunts and just generally being crazy while they still can.

"This is _insane,"_ She whispers to Bo as the brunette chains their bike to a tree. They've stopped so Ernie ( _Charlie_ whatever) can talk to some of his friends who he promised to see.

"I know, do you think anyone here could have a phone or-"

Bo's voice holds so much hope and suddenly guilt hits Lauren from nowhere. She's been so glad to have Bo with her that she forgot Bo is missing someone really important to her. She even delayed them with her sickness and what if Bo was right. What it Ernie had been some psycho who had demented plans of killing them. Bo would never have seen her sister again and it would have been all her fault.

"Lauren-" Bo's holding her cheeks, talking softly, looking right into her eyes, "what's wrong? Are you- are you not feeling well?"

"No. It's nothing."

"Hey-" she rubs her cheek with her thumb, "we don't do that, okay. You and I don't lie to each other. It's me and you right now, and if something's bothering you, I want to fix it. So tell me what's wrong."

"It's nothing, really," she forces a smile, "everything just got to me all of a sudden but I'm fine now."

Bo still looks into her eyes like she's trying to read something, "are you sure?" she finally asks.

"Yeah," Lauren covers the hands on her cheeks with her own. Wondering when between the moment she offered Bo a bar of chocolate and now did they get this familiar with each other and how she missed that happening, "I'm sure."

/

Turns out a few people do have phones but there's no service down here so Bo is back to square one and Lauren can't help feeling like shit.

"It's going to be fine, " she tries to be as strong for Bo as Bo was for her both last night and this morning, "we'll find a way."

Bo nods and forces a smile that doesn't reach her eyes.

It hurts Lauren to see it and she's more than a little glad when Ernie distracts them by asking if they want to be introduced to his friends.

/

"I honestly believed the zombies will come." Kennedy, a girl with tattoos all over her body, some of which look fresh and most of which Lauren would really like to study intently because they look so deliciously complicated, says taking a swig of her beer.

"They still might," another one of Ernie's friends, Mikey, says, earning a slap from Kennedy. "What," he whines rubbing his arm, "we still got time."

"You're such a jerk."

"Yet you still love me."

"In your dreams."

"Every single night, baby."

Kennedy blushes after that and Lauren wonders why the two of them don't just kiss already. From the introductions Ernie made, they hate each other but are friends with everyone else. But then again, no one knows what happens behind closed doors.

Ernie's friends are cool, even Bo admits to that. Other than Kennedy, Mikey and Sam, Lauren can't really recall the rest of their names because they all sound like of some mythological creatures and her mind isn't fit to handle all that because she's sitting on Bo's lap with the brunette's head on her shoulder.

Seats weren't enough and apparently the grass is full of bugs and since for some reason everyone assumed she and Bo are together, they're left to share.

It's not that it's uncomfortable. The opposite actually, it's _too_ comfortable. And the way Bo puts her hair to one side of the neck or whispers things in her ear or wraps her arms around her waist because- well Lauren has no idea why she does that but she knows she likes it, a little _too_ much.

"You okay?"

There she goes again, whispering in her ear.

Lauren nods hastily and takes a big gulp of her beer cause she's afraid her voice will betray her if she opens her mouth.

God! What sort of a person is she? She broke up with her girl friend of six months _yesterday._ And here she is, possibly falling for someone she literally just met.

Maybe it's the limited time factor- that's probably it.

"Fuck you guys are adorable," one of the oddly-named ones speaks, "how long have you guys been together?"

"We're-"

"Since yesterday."

They both say at the same time and Lauren's neck almost snaps as she turns to Bo. Then, maybe because she's drunk or maybe because she wants to sell it, Bo kisses her cheek.

"Best day of my life too." She adds, looking right into Lauren's eyes.

Lauren doesn't get to say anything because now almost the whole group is going on and on about how adorable they are.

...

 _6_

Bo doesn't let go of Lauren's hand.

One, because she doesn't want to lose in this crowd of people. And two, because she doesn't want to give Lauren a chance to go hide away from her.

She knows she was forward before, but it was a mixture of alcohol and Bo's natural forwardness and the fact that there's literally _no_ time to beat around the bush right now.

She likes Lauren. She has no idea when it happened, maybe it was from the second the blonde offered her chocolate, or when she realized that although it was a stupid thing to do, it was also pretty darn neat of Lauren to offer almost her everything to that mother and her child. Maybe it's because she realized Lauren offered to help her. Without even knowing her. Maybe it's because everything's amplified right now and she just feels like going for things she wants when she still has the chance.

And she wants Lauren.

They've been invited to stay for the party that Ernie's friends have been planning for a week now. The group is oddly obsessed with them. At first she wanted to say no. One of the guys gave them a map and they don't really need Ernie any more. But apart from just free food and booze, they've also been offered somewhere where they can take a shower and that's something Bo isn't going to pass up.

So they each take a shower and put on fresh clothes and when Ernie leads them through the mass of people towards where the group has gathered, Bo doesn't let go of Lauren's hand.

They sit just as before and when Lauren sits on Bo's lap without prompting, the brunette takes that as a victory.

"You're heading Far West, huh?"

"Yeah, my little sister's there." Bo says, her mood dropping. She's been trying not to focus so much on thinking about Kenzi because she knows she'll probably die of depression if she does.

"Think you'll get there on time?"

"I hope we do." She answers, feeling like she might cry all of a sudden.

When she feels Lauren's hand squeeze her arm, she's glad she's not alone.

/

"Did you mean it?" Lauren asks, her hand around Bo's neck as they're dancing to the first slow song of the night.

"Yes."

"Good." Lauren nods, "it was one of the best days of my life too."

"Even though you got sick?" She teases, a smile forming on her face.

Lauren rolls her eyes and kisses her cheek.

/

Lauren takes her video camera from her bag and tells people to say something.

Mikey sings the national anthem. Aralis leaves a really long note in Russian for his mother, " _or you know, the Aliens. Whoever sees it first."_

Kennedy doesn't want to say anything at first but drunk Lauren is cute Lauren so she finally just sighs and gives the blonde what she wants, if not for anything, to stop her from pouting.

" _Uh, I lived_."

/

Bo feels like she's leaving good friends behind when they go and they jokingly tell each other to keep in touch.

It's almost six by the time they're back on the road and she doesn't know if it's her imagination playing tricks on her, but it somehow feels like Lauren is holding her that much tighter.

She can't say it doesn't feel good.

/

They don't stop for the night.

Time isn't on their side and there're so many other bikes on the road that darkness isn't an issue either.

People are still partying and being crazy and again, Bo wonders what Kenzi's doing.

If she has someone.

If she's having fun.

If someone's holding her as tightly as she's being held right now.

/

"This is me."

Ernie says when they get to the very first town Bo has seen since they departed from the road.

She doesn't feel like saying goodbye to him. Yeah, he has a weird name and generally she likes her Ernies to either be Muppets or baseball champs, but he's cool people. And she's not very fond of goodbyes at the moment.

"Be safe," she says instead. Hugging him so he knows she's more than grateful for everything.

"You too, kid." He kisses her hair then pulls back and looks at Lauren with soft eyes, "hey, Lola."

Bo laughs, remembering yesterday afternoon when drunk Lauren was trying to say her nickname- " _Lo-La- Laure, yeah. That's it."_

She rolls her eyes and punches his arm and glares and Bo. Then she raises her video camera, "say something."

"I'm really glad I got to know you." He says easily and she looks at him. Tears brimming in her eyes.

"I'm glad I got to know you too, Ernie Charles."

/

It seems odd, to not be following Ernie. That it's back to just the two of them and seeing a mass of people and cars again.

It seems like they've somehow departed from a fantasy world and they're back to the real one.

She's not sure she likes it.

/

"Are you okay?" Bo asks when she hears Lauren sniffing at the back.

"I will be." She kisses her neck gently.

/

They don't stop until they get to what Bo is now calling the biker's road. It feels amazing to hear the music again. To get away from the constant depression that's on the roads.

They finally stop when Bo feels too tired to ride.

Lauren suggests that maybe she should teach her to ride but Bo tells her she'd rather have sore limbs that broken ones.

When Lauren flips her the bird and that, Bo laughs so hard, she sprays the juice in her mouth out.

/

"Do you have any more ring pops?"

"I thought you didn't like them?"

"I never said that, I said they aren't food."

Lauren throws a ring pop at her.

...

 _5_

It's the noise that leads them to the lake.

They find people there. Talking, swimming, diving, and when Bo suggests that they join them, Lauren doesn't even remind her that they don't have bathing suits.

They find a place that's not really secluded, Lauren doesn't think there's a spot that doesn't have people here, but it's not as full as the others.

"Are going to stand there or will you dive, Dennis." She teases when Bo makes like she's going to dive but then holds back about a million times.

"It's really far."

"That's the whole fun of it-" her voice is soft, she realises that Bo is maybe a little scared. And it makes her feel some sort of warmth inside because other than for Kenzi, Bo doesn't show vulnerability much.

It makes Lauren feel trusted that Bo's letting her see this.

"Here," she takes her hand and laces their fingers, "I'm going to hold you the whole way."

"That's impossible," but even as she's saying it, Bo is squeezing her hand and holding tight.

"No it's not, come on." She pulls her to the edge.

"Lauren- I don't think-"

"You and me," she kisses her cheek, "and even if I let go, I'll find you and hold your hand again. Okay?"

Bo nods.

/

"Bo," she calls as soon as her head surfaces, trying to find the brunette while simultaneously recovering from the rush of adrenaline that she's going through, "Bo! Bo where-"

A head emerges from the water and Bo Dennis in all her black bra, wet body, glory smiles, making Lauren's heart lose a couple of beats from sheer relief, "that was a _mazing!"_

"You scared me, you twit! I thought you'd drowned!"

"Aw-" Bo swims towards her and places each of her arms on her shoulders, letting them dangle at her back, "did you panic?"

"I didn't say panic, I said scared, and don't down play my feelings. It's not nice."

"You have feelings for me?" She asks in a voice that's just between serious and not really.

"That's not what I said."

"But that's what _I_ asked. So do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Don't be cute," she pecks her lips, "just yes or no."

"What do you think?"

"I want you to tell me."

"I just met you!"

"I _know_ that. That's why I didn't ask, what I _did_ ask, is whether or not you have feelings for me."

"Is it important?" It's her ditch effort to evade the question.

Bo smiles and her hand start playing with the fine hairs at the nape of Lauren's neck, _"very."_

"Yes." She sighs out defeated.

"That wasn't so hard, was it now."

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"You can't just prod that out of me then say _nothing._ "

"I didn't say nothing." Bo chuckles like Lauren is the cutest thing she's ever seen and while that's usually not a bad thing, Lauren just want's to hear Bo say it back right now. No one wants to be thought of as cute right after professing that they have feelings for another person.

It's condescending.

"If I haven't made it clear enough, Lauren Lewis. I definitely, have feelings for you."

...

 _4_

Bo cannot remember the last time she kissed someone who she feels something for.

Her last real relationship was with a guy called Rainer and that ended really badly months ago. Yes, she's had flings since then but those were just for itch scratching purposes. She's not felt anything for anyone in a while. She hasn't really had the time for feelings.

She had forgotten how amplified they made everything.

Pretty much everything is ten times better with feelings.

"Oh God," she hears Lauren moan when she kisses her neck rather roughly then blows on it. She laughs softly and does it again and again because she's pretty certain she's getting addicted to those little moans she manages to pull from Lauren with her actions.

For the first time since they met, she wonders at the unfairness of it all. Why couldn't she have met her _before?_

Would it have worked out the same way if they had.

Inhibitions are lowered right now, actually, they're pretty much non existent. You see what you want and you go for it. Maybe that's why they're where they are. But then again, she thinks she'd like this woman no matter what.

She feels a little cheated that she won't get more time.

She feels like she should make up for it. Both the time she lost and the time that won't be accorded to her.

"You're- you're _really_ good at that." Lauren says, availing even more of her neck to Bo and when the brunette chuckles, she feels her shiver.

"Feels good?" She asks although she already knows the answer.

No one _moans_ like that if it doesn't feel good.

"Yeah." Lauren says then moves so that she's kissing Bo back.

And holy hell is she good at it. Bo thinks she'll swoon with how fast blood is rushing to her head right now.

"Wow."

Lauren smirks, "I try."

Then she goes back to business.

/

They don't have any more food since they ate what Ernie gave them earlier so when a group of rowdy youth ask them to join in on their fun, they figure it's okay.

For the food, if not for anything else.

It turns out okay. They have crisps, lots of it. And bland tasting soda and when they start passing the bong around, Bo shrugs and takes a hit.

"You don't have to if you don't want to." She tells Lauren softly and glares daggers at anyone who dares to try pressuring her into it.

Lauren finally shrugs too and takes the bong.

She coughs a storm on her first hit and Bo rubs her back as everyone laughs and tells her that's how it is the first time. She just has to keep trying.

"You don't have to." Bo reminds her.

Lauren is nothing if not determined though so she takes it again. She's more careful this time round and when she blows the fumes right into Bo's face, the brunette is so proud she kisses her.

" _God Damn"_ Some guy, Ryan, says when they pull apart and Bo knows they're hot as hell but people _have_ to stop objectifying them.

It's annoying.

Lauren does even better on her third round and by the time the bong makes its way to her for her fifth round, she's a pro.

"Why haven't I ever done this before?" She muses, blowing the smoke out and looking at it as it goes.

"Probably because it's bad for you," Bo chuckles and pulls her close, burying her head in her neck because she's always been touchy when high.

"Probably," she agrees easily then smiles, "it makes me feel so _good_ though- Not as good as y _ou_ make me feel but really good."

"So, I make you feel good?"

"Haven't I told you so?" Lauren scrunches her forehead, "You make me feel- _alive,_ like, like a bird you know. Like I'm flying and flying and flying and I'm never coming down. Although maybe it's not such a good idea to fly right now cause you know I'll burn like that Greek kid who thought waxing wings was a good idea. Huh, maybe I should use another metaphor."

Bo laughs, "you are _so_ high."

"Like a bird?"

"So, _so_ high."

/

She leads Lauren from the group after that.

They've had enough.

"Do you think there's something else, Bo?" Lauren asks softly, playing with Bo's still wet hair.

"Something like what?"

"I don't know. Something other than this, like, this can't be all there is to us, right? When it all ends it can't _really_ be the end."

"Are you talking about the after life?"

"Not really. I'm talking about another life. Beyond this one where I meet you when there's time. We're we do normal things that normal twenty something year olds do."

"We've done normal things. We took a road trip and got wasted at a party, we slept under the stars and got high, almost skinny dipped, got perved at, made friends. Given our situation, I'd say we've done pretty well."

"I'd say we've done pretty well too." Lauren says after a moment.

 _3_

She wakes up with a headache and she wishes Nadia was here so she could finally make her take back saying that packing pain pills is a stupid idea.

"You're gonna be okay?" Bo asks softly and she nods. They've rested enough, they need to get back on the road.

She reaches into her pocket and pulls something out, "here," she says to the brunette who smiles when she sees she's being offered a ring pop, "I know you're addicted to the stuff."

"Says the pot head."

"Shut up, Dennis."

/

It starts with one person then like a waking swarm of bees, the buzz spreads everywhere.

Suddenly, everyone seems panic and all that anyone is saying is _eight hours_ and it's _confirmed_ and Lauren feels like no matter how hard she holds Bo, she can't get the panic out of her eyes.

/

She bites the insides of her cheeks and doesn't complain as Bo rushes faster than she ever has before. She doesn't think it would be fair for her to say anything. She has Bo. She has had Bo for the past two days. Bo's sister doesn't have anyone.

And that's not a fate she would wish on even her worst enemy.

/

"Fuck!" Bo yells when they get to a jammed part of the road.

It's like everyone's in a hurry now and they're not moving at all.

"Move the fuck on!" she yells, louder than Lauren would have thought her capable of.

"Bo, please calm down."

"Don't fucking tell me what to do, Lauren. Just _don't."_ She doesn't say a word after that.

/

It's clear they won't make it.

Not on the road, there's just no way.

It seems to take all the life out of Bo and it hits Lauren harder than it had before that she just met this woman less than seventy two hours ago.

She doesn't know what to or what not to do when Bo is angry.

She doesn't know how to make it better.

So she just sits beside her, and watches with her as some people break down and others shut down and others just keep on. like nothing is happening,

She sits beside her and lets Bo know that she'll be there for as long as she needs her to.

/

" I'm sorry I snapped at you. It's just, I thought I'd have more time. I really- I really thought we'd make it." Bo says and breaks down in Lauren's arm.

/  
"Do you want a ring pop?"

Bo laughs even though she's still crying.

...

 _2_

They stay at a bed and break fast for the night although the woman who's running it and is so deep in denial tells them that there's no break fast because stupid people like them who think it's in any way normal to believe the government stopped opening stores.

"You really don't believe it's going to happen?"

Bo asks, needing the woman to convince her because she needs something right now. She needs to know she can still see or even just talk to Kenzi.

Even for a minute.

"I've had more than one scare in my time. Never amounted to anything. Why should this be any different?"

"They're sure this time." Lauren is the one who answers.

"They were sure those other times too. Now give me my money and leave, I got things to do,"

/

The woman doesn't help none.

She's just in denial, nothing more.

She falls on the bed and feels wet tears run down the sides of her face.

She wonders if she told Kenzi she loves her enough times. If she hugged her enough if she was good enough of a sister because lord knows Kenzi was that and more.

She feels a soft thumb wiping her tears away and she's kissed once, twice- countless times.

It makes her cry harder.

/

Lauren leaves, she says it's to give Bo some space but the minute she steps out, Bo feels like she's going to have a heart attack.

She hasn't had Lauren out of her sight from the moment they met. It's been them, together and she feels panic like she's never felt before when she thinks maybe she's left and she's not coming back. That she''s going to end up alone, with no one to hold.

It makes her feel like maybe she's already dead.

/

Lauren comes back with a phone in hand.

"I exchanged the bike for it. " She explains, "The guy, he said he's always wanted to ride one- and he doesn't need it anymore. It's fully charged and there's service here. I thought you'd at least like to _talk_ to her. I know it's not much but-"

She might be entirely wrong, but Bo thinks that's the moment she fell in love with her.

When she was doing the most extraordinary things anyone has even done for her, and apologizing for it.

/

" 'llo?"

"Oh god," her legs that were just a moment ago pacing give out and she sinks to the floor, "Kenz?"

"BoBo?" Kenzi cry-laughs and Bo can't help but join her.

She listens as Kenzi blabbers about how she thought she was dead and how she left home to search for her and how she can't get back home now because everything is fucked up and she just cannot believe she's talking to her.

"You're- you're not at home?"

"No, I'm in the East."

" _What?"_

I came looking for you!" She defends herself and Bo runs her hand through her hair.

They missed each other. Maybe if she'd kept to the road they would have met. She wouldn't hae gotten to see her eve if she'd made it on time.

So many things are running through her mind and she feels like she'll go insane so she settles on something simple. Something she's certain of, "I love you, Kenz."

"I love you too, BoBo."

"And I'm sorry I burnt your heels that looked like they were made by the devils helper. I didn't mean to, but when it happened, it made me kinda happy."

Kenzi chuckles, "I'm sorry I had sex with Nate in your bed."

"Kenz!"

"I washed the sheets!"

"Still, gross! You were supposed to stay pure till you were at least sixty!"

"Hate to break it to you Boster but-"

"Don't-" she cuts her off, "just, stay as my pure little sister who still plays video games and eats cereal from the box, please."

Kenzi sniffles, "Okay. Are you okay? Are you alone?"

A smile finds it's way to Bo's lips and her heart suddenly feels like it's covered in something deliciously warm. She remembers brown eyes and soft smiles and hands holding her tight. Kisses on her neck, her tears being wiped away. Dancing to slow songs and jumping from high cliffs. Kissing and being kissed in the water, and she knows she's okay. As okay as she can be given the situation. And she is certainly, not alone.

"I'm okay, Kenz."

"Good. Nate's with me, so don't- _shit."_

"What- what's wrong?"

"My battery's low. I love you, BoBo."

"I love you too, Kenz. Be safe."

Kenzi doesn't get to say anything to that.

 _1_

She furiously wipes her tears away when she hears Lauren open the door.

But when the blond sits next to her and brings Bo's head to her shoulder, she can't help but break down.

She more than appreciates that Lauren just lets her.

/

"What's all this?"

She asks when she finally calms down and notices that there're bags and bags on the floor.

"Oh-" Lauren's voice sounds a little excited, "I bought some things."

"I thought the stores were closed," Bo says, confused.

"Most of them are. But there's one that's not exactly open, but is open, people broke in, I left money on the counter for the owner though so in case the woman down stairs is right and this is all really just a hoax he'll at least get his money's worth for the things I took."

She's panting a bit by the time she's done rambling and Bo cannot help it, she just has to kiss her.

/

"I can't believe you couldn't even loot from an already broken in store."

"I have a spotless record, Dennis." Lauren retorts, throwing the ridiculous amount of candy she bought on the bed, "now's not to the time to tarnish it."

"It won't matter in the next-" she frowns, "how many hours do we have anyway?"

"Three."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"Well, it won't matter in the next three hours anyway."

"It'll matter to me." She opens a cola and passes it to Bo, "besides, if there's a heaven, I don't want to ruin my chances of getting in."

Bo laughs then, "do you think there's one?"

"A chance if me getting into heaven?" she asks cutely, Bo smiles.

"A heaven."

"I don't know. I think I _want_ to believe there's a place beyond here. That I'll maybe-" she blushes, "that I'll maybe see you again. I don't know if it's heaven though. A place of perfect contentment doesn't seem all that appealing to me."

"Me neither. And just for the record, I'd be perfectly fine believing in a place where I got to see you again."

/

They have beer and Lauren laughs when Bo tells her stories of Kenzi and Bo listens intently when Lauren tells her of photography and why she loves it so much.

"I'm sorry you didn't get to relive your memories with your dad." she apologises when she realises that Lauren never got to do what she set out to do in this trip. Yes, she took some pictures but Bo doesn't think the blonde and her dad went drinking and diving and got high during their trips.

"It's okay," Lauren says, her eyes sincere, "I got to make new memories."

/

Bo finds music on the phone and although she tries to say no at first, Lauren lets Bo pull her from the bed and when Bo place her hands in her waist she doesn't pull back.

"This isn't a slow song."

"I don't care."

She pulls her closer.

And they keep dancing, even after the song has long ended.

/

Lauren apparently took everything she could get in the store and Bo sure they'll have stomach aches by the time all this ends.

Not that it'll matter anyway.

They mix anything and everything and when Lauren spits out the nutella, cola mixture, Bo laughs at her till the blonde glares which only serves to make her laugh harder.

"Sometimes I don't even know why I love you."

She says it so nonchalantly, like it's just one other thing that she says everyday. Like it's a given- no big deal.

And perhaps it means more to Bo because of that, because the next thing she knows, she has Lauren pinned on the bed and her hands are moving under her shirt and i to her pants and _I love you too_ won't stop falling from her lips.

/

She kisses behind her eye lids, her nose, her mouth, her cheeks.

Any where she can reach, she kisses.

"I wish I'd met you earlier."

"I'm glad I met you at all."

/

Lauren says she'll miss sleeping on her own violation. Bo says she'll miss the thrill of her job. Lauren will miss taking photos, learning about people, _chocolate._

"Ring pops."

"I thought you hated them."

"I never said that. _You_ keep saying that. And I think they're my favourite Candy now."

Lauren blushes because she knows exactly what Bo means, Bo pulls her closer, "I'll miss you."

/

"Do you think we would have been happy?"

Lauren asks, playing with Bo's fingers. The question sounds random, but Bo knows it isn't. She can see the room getting unnaturally dark, she can feel Lauren's hand trembling.

"I would have been. And I would have tried my damnest to make you feel the same."

"I would have asked you to marry me. Somewhere private. I'd ask your sister for permission."

"I would have said yes."

"Really?"

Bo laughs around a sob, kissing Lauren's fingers, "I would have said a _million_ yeses."

"I would have made you so happy."

"You already have," Bo kisses her with everything she has, "you already have."

/

Lauren says they would have had a white wedding, Bo says she doesn't care as long as it's them. Lauren says they would have had children too. Bo laughs and feels like she's falling and falling when Lauren tells her she even has the names all planned out.

She asks if they would have had a honey moon.

Bo says of course they would have, that they would have made love in every city in the world.

"That's over two million cities."

Bo laughs, because she never thought she'd spend the rest of her life with someone who knows how many cities there're in the world.

/

"I'm glad it's you," she says, "I'm glad I got to spend the rest of my life with you."

/

"Say something." Lauren holds the video camera in front of Bo.

"Like what?"

"Anything."

"I love you."

/

It gets blindingly bright and uncomfortably hot by they still lie in bed, facing each other. She traces every feature and tries to memorize every curve and edge and every single thing to the very tiniest one like the fading scar on her left cheek.

She wishes she believed in some higher being that could give her time. Even just a little bit more.

She feels somehow cheated.

/

It's now too bright. So bright she almost can't see and she knows it's nearly over. She should be scared, she probably is. Maybe she's _too_ scared to even show it.

She slips her ring from her finger. The one her mother gave to her years ago.

"What's-"

"In case there's a world beyond this one," she whispers, kissing her, slipping the ring onto her finger and smiling and crying and feeling so many emotions that she knows any other time, she'd be overwhelmed beyond belief , "so I'll know how to find you."

...

 _0_

 _"_ I'll miss you too _."_

...

 _ **The End.**_

 _ **...**_

 _ **An;**_ _This is probably the longest and hardest fic I've ever had to do because the whole idea of the thing was to deal with something sad, but not concentrate on the sad part. Those were the instructions anyway._

 _I have about nine different versions of the story and I don't know how many different versions of_ _ **this**_ _version so it's a mess, I'm sorry. I couldn't do more._

 _This wasn't supposed to be very sad, or sad at all, so if it is then I''ve failed in someway:(_


	2. Chapter 2

_**This is a repost.**_

 _ **Also, this should not be read if you're in the mood for something happy.**_

 _ **...**_

 _ **After I'm Gone.**_

 _ **5**_

"I don't want to do this anymore."

Immediately the words leave her mouth, she wants to take them back. Not because she wants them unsaid, but because she needs to say them differently. Make them hurt less, make them sting less.

But she can't. Not only because they've already been heard, but also because they're already being comprehended.

She can practically see the brunette rolling the words in her mind, making sense of them.

She knows it's only some time now before glazed eyes tell her that the impact of her words has made its way to the other woman's heart.

"I," she desperately tries to find the words to put out there. Not just any words, the right words.

She might not be able to take words back, but she can pour out more words to dilute the venom of the previous ones.

At least she hopes she can.

"¬I didn't mean that." As soon as _those_ words leave her mouth, she shuts her eyes.

That's not what she meant to say.

That's not what she meant to say because that's a lie.

She did mean to say the words she'd said. She just didn't mean to say them in such a hurtful manner because by themselves, without the added venom of insensitive wording, the words are hurtful enough.

"You didn't mean that?"

The brunette sounds incredulous.

Like she cannot believe the words that are coming out of her fiance's mouth at this moment in time.

"I," the blond starts, not knowing exactly what to say but she knows she has to say something.

Anything.

"Then what did you mean?"

That question gives her a pause.

Here's her chance to say what she meant to say, what she did say, using better ¬less hurtful¬ words.

So she takes her time, she needs to make sure she doesn't mess it up again.

"Well?"

Apparently she's taking too long. She opens her eyes, she had forgotten she had closed them.

"I'm just tired, you know." She starts softly, imploringly, openly begging to be understood.

The other woman nods, tears pooling in her eyes but visibly keeping them away, "I know baby, but you need this medicine, it's helping you."

She sounds like she's begging to be understood too.

"No, it's making me tired and drowsy. Half the time you're here I can't even register your presence. And that's, "she licks her dry lips, making her eyes as soft as they can get,, "that's not how I want to spend the time I have left with you."

"Don't talk like that." The brunette sounds angry now.

She always gets angry whenever this line of conversation is brought up.

"Bo¬"

"No, Lauren. You're not dying, okay. I won't let you die."

The last part of the sentence is whispered out because tears are falling freely from her eyes now and Lauren hates herself for even bringing this conversation up..

She hates it when Bo cries.

Ever since they met in the orphanage when they were six and Bo beat up a boy who was teasing Lauren about her geeky glasses, the brunette has always been the stronger one between the two of them.

She always told Lauren that no matter what, as long as they were together she was ready to anyone and anything that came their way.

And she had done that without fail for twenty two years.

But this was something that was beyond even her and Lauren didn't know how to make her see that.

And it was breaking her heart.

...

" _What are you doing?"_

 _Lauren asked the brunette who was staring at her palm intently like it held the secret to immortality._

 _"Checking your life line, I want to make sure you'll be around for a while."_

Sometimes Bo thinks that moment, on her bed, in pyjamas, reading the blond's palm, was the moment she fell in love with Lauren Lewis.

She had been so trusting, so believing. Bo had told her that according to her palm, she would be around for years to come.

They were thirteen, they had spent almost every single day for the past seven years together, Lauren knew full well Bo knew nothing about palm reading but still, she had believed that what Bo said was the truth.

And that was the thing about Lauren that made Bo fell humbled and proud both at the same time, she had implicit faith in the brunette.

She believed wholeheartedly in the brunette and Bo needed that more than she needed oxygen.

She needed Lauren more than her next breath.

It was unhealthy and not advisable but it was what it was.

That wasn't going to change any time soon.

...

"Hey,"

Its hours after their argument and Lauren has just woken up from a nap.

She doesn't know how long she was asleep, but the curtains are drawn and the room looks brighter.

There are also fresh flowers everywhere and that makes her smile.

Bo knows she loves flowers.

"Hey." She rasps back, "I see you've been busy." She says trying to make her voice light.

Bo smiles, but there's sadness in her eyes, "I wanted to make you smile. I haven't been doing that a lot lately."

That makes Lauren frown and her frail hand reaches for the brunette's soft one.

She tags their fingers together and smiles when she notices that even with all the shit that's going on, their hands still fit together like they were meant to be.

"Yes you have." She says with uttermost conviction because it's true.

Bo is here, in this room, everyday. The only time she leaves is when Lauren forces her to and she's always back mere hours later.

She always brings magazines and books that she thinks the blonde will like so that Lauren won't get bored.

She makes sure that Lauren's room is never without a vase of flowers and that her hand is held through every single thing.

"You're the only thing that is still capable of making me smile, Bo. You have to know that."

"I was so mean earlier, though. You're on this bed, in this room, in this goddamned hospital and you're in pain and I'm ...I'm acting like it's all about me." Tears stream from her eyes, "I'm so sorry, baby. I just, I don't know what to do. All I know is that I can't live without you. That's all I know."

Lauren wants to tell her she'll never have to, that used to be their line.

 _You don't have to worry about living without me because you'll never have to._

But she cannot truthfully say that anymore so she settles scooting a bit on the bed and wordlessly inviting the crying brunette to lie beside her.

As soon as Bo gets comfortable, she throws her arms around her and holds her as tightly as she can.

It's not much, but it'll have to do for now.

...

 _"What do you mean Lauren can't come?"_

 _Bo asked her friend, Amy._

 _It was the summer before freshman year and the cool kids were going to meet their fellow cool kids in what was being termed the best, biggest party of the year._

 _Bo of course had been invited._

 _But Lauren hadn't and that was something Bo was going to put right._

 _"Well, she's a geek and my party is going to be a geek free zone." The girl said haughtily._

 _Bo rolled her eyes and threw the invitation card at the girl, "consider your party a Bo free zone too then."_

 _She turned up in Lauren's room an hour later to find her best friend already in her pyjamas, reading one of her many novels._

 _"Bo," she looked surprised, "what are you doing here."_

 _"I happen to live here," Bo jumped on the bed and gave her best friend a playful smile._

 _Lauren rolled her eyes and put her book aside, "I know that, dork. But I thought you had that party to go to tonight."_

 _"I decided not to. I'd rather hang out with you than with a bunch of losers who think they're cool anyway. "_

 _Lauren smiled at her adoringly and Bo looked away in an attempt to hide her blush, she found it hard to think when the blond smiled at her that way._

 _"So what's the plan for tonight?" She asked more for a change of topic than anything else._

 _"Reading?"_

 _Bo scrunched her nose, "don't be gross, Lo. I'm sure we can find something to do."_

 _Something to do ended up being getting wasted and having their first kiss._

 _A kiss that Lauren would not remember for years and that would drive Bo absolutely crazy at times._

...

"Do you remember that day when we ate weed cookies?"

She asks when Bo's sobs have quietened down.

She feels the brunette laugh on her chest.

It's real and unguarded and something she hasn't heard in days.

She'd missed that laugh.

"Yeah, and you ate like all the food in our fridge."

Lauren smiles fondly at the memory.

At how Bo tricked her into thinking the cookies were just regular cookies.

At how they danced around Bo's house like maniacs after eating them.

"You talk like you just stood there watching me eat that food. I remember you eating like half a chicken right along with me."

Bo laughs again.

Harder and for longer.

And when she's done, Lauren kisses her forehead.

"You'll always have those. The millions of memories we made. They'll always be yours and nobody will ever be able to take them away from you."

"I know, "she kisses Lauren's neck, "I know."

...

 _ **4**_

"Bo," she calls to the woman on the chair reading a magazine.

"Mmm?"

"I want to get out of here."

Bo lowers her magazine, her eyes look questioning.

"What do you mean, baby?"

"I just," she tries finding the right words, she doesn't need a repeat of yesterday, "I want to be somewhere with you, somewhere that's not here."

For a moment, Bo looks like she's about to refuse. Its cold chilly outside and they don't know what that will do to Lauren.

But the blondes looking at her with such pleading and hopeful eyes and she still feels like a jerk after yesterday.

She knows she could have handled that conversation better.

So instead of saying no, she takes Lauren's hand and kisses the back of it, "where do you want to go?"

...

Almost an hour later, they're in their car, Bo in the driver's seat and Lauren beside her, dressed like an Eskimo on Bo's insistence.

She alternates between just letting the wind play with the strands of her hair that have fallen out of her scarf and making waves with her hand.

She has a small peaceful smile on her lips and it warms Bo's heart and breaks it both at the same time.

The brunette doesn't get exactly how the universe expects her to live without the woman beside her.

She doesn't get how she's supposed to go on with life after Lauren is gone. And she knows Lauren thinks she doesn't want to deal with it, but that's not the case.

She just can't deal with it. She doesn't know how the fuck to.

A soft palm finds its way to her knees, cutting her thoughts off.

Lauren is still looking out the window, but her hand on Bo's knee is firm and grounding.

And Bo just knows that even without asking, Lauren knows what's running through her mind.

Like she always does.

...

They were eighteen and had just moved to the city after talking about it for years.

Finally they were here, Bo and Lauren, two best friends ready to take over the world.

Their apartment was tiny, their neighbor was noisy and judging by the contents Lauren had once seen of his shopping bag, she was certain the man who lived in the apartment on top of them made meth and she was convinced he was going to blow the shit out of them one day.

But even with all this, they loved living here.

Bo loved how she and Lauren could go to the roof top and just be by themselves, talking about nothing and everything.

How sometimes she would come from class and find Lauren cleaning the house, shaking her butt and singing along to music that she insisted that she hated.

She loved that they sometimes ate cold pizza for breakfast and cheerios for dinner and that Lauren left little reminder notes all over the house because she knew the brunette was extremely forgetful.

It made her smile every morning when she opened her bag and found a bottle of water and a neatly wrapped sandwich.

Lauren knew that Bo was swamped, having to attend classes and then go to work at night and packing lunch for Bo was her way of showing she cared.

Sometimes, when Bo wasn't busy, she cooked Lauren's favorite meals and cleaned the house because that always made Lauren smile. She made sure the bills were paid on time since she was the only one working between the two of them and she always, _always_ made sure Lauren had everything she needed for school.

It was expensive as fuck and sometimes she had to ask for advance after advance and work double shifts just to make sure she stayed on top of things but it was worth it.

It was worth it because it was for Lauren and to her, Lauren was worth everything.

...

"What's wrong?"

It was on of those rear days when both Bo and Lauren were free on the same day.

They had cooked breakfast together, eaten together, did the dishes together. They had tried catching up, talked about those things that life didn't seem to give them the time to talk about.

Now it was evening and they were watching mindless TV, Bo's head on Lauren's lap with the blond playing with her hair when Lauren noticed that suddenly Bo seemed, off.

"It's nothing."

"Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Hide things from me. Come on, tell me what's wrong, you've suddenly grown quiet."

Bo sighed and sat up, "You'll think I'm being silly."

"No I won't." Lauren said sincerely.

Bo looked her in the eyes, "I-I miss you."

"I'm right here."

"Yeah, now you are. But what about tomorrow or the day after? It's not that I'm complaining Lo, you know I'm not I just-" she didn't know how to explain this without sounding whiny, she shrugged, "I miss you."

"I know what you mean,Bo and I miss you too." She gave the sad brunette a soft smile, "But this is only for a while. Soon I won't be so busy and you won't be so busy and we'll get to spend every single moment together."

Bo smiled back, "Yeah?"

Lauren nodded, "unless of course you find yourself someone to-"

She was cut off with a kiss on her cheek, "never gonna happen."

"Never?"

"Never ever."

Lauren's eyes got contemplative, "what are you trying to say Bo?"

Bo pecked, right on the lips and smiled like the two of them shared a secret no one else knew, "you know exactly what I'm trying to say."

And that was that.

They never had a long drawn out conversation on whether or not they were dating, if they were girlfriends, they both just knew that they were.

They always had

...

"Careful," Bo says helping Lauren out of the car.

The blond rolls her eyes, "I'm not made of glass,Bo."

"Humor me," she closes the door behind them and links Lauren's arm with her own.

They're at the beach, that's where Lauren wanted to be.

They have so many memories here; first kiss as a couple, first time they confessed their love, first anniversary as a couple.

it was their special place.

Bo could see why Lauren had chosen it.

"Let's sit," Lauren says already pulling the brunette down.

They settle comfortably, with Lauren's head on Bo's shoulder, their arms still linked.

"I love you, "Lauren breaks the silence, "you know that, right? That I love you?"

Bo's face breaks into a smile.

She kisses the top of Lauren's head.

"I know."

 _ **3**_

 _"Is this thing on?" Lauren muttered to herself then saw the red light, "It's on, okay," She smiled a big smile at the camera and waved, "Hi baby! Happy fourth anniversary. I hope I got you an awesome gift and if I didn't just know that I'm planning to, okay? okay." She chuckled then got a little more serious although her smile was still in place, "I love you. With everything that I am I love you and I hope I tell you that every single day. You're my world, Bo Dennis. You've been my world since we were six years old and you'll be my world forever. And I know I get on your nerves sometimes and you also get on mine but that doesn't doesn't matter because at the end of the day you're mine and I am so irrevocably yours." She smiled looking shyly at her fingers as if suddenly realizing all she had just said._

 _"I just,I wanted you to know that."_

 _Then the screen went black._

...

Bo wipes her tears away and plays the video again, smiling as Lauren's adorable confused face lights up on the screen.

 _"Is this thing on? It's on, okay. Hi baby!..."_

She tearfully chuckles at how childishly cute Lauren can be sometimes.

She wasn't meant to be here.

On the bedroom floor in their apartment that smells unlived in, watching a video over and over again.

Lauren had chased her from the hospital to come check on their cat- Einstein- and make sure he hadn't either starved or ruined the house or both.

Bo had refused at first, she never willingly left Lauren's side.

But the blond had insisted, she loved the darn cat.

Somehow, looking to make sure that Einny hadn't ruined anything resulted in Bo finding the video camera and the video that she was now watching obsessively.

.. _"I love you, with everything that I am, I love you_."

God, what wouldn't she give to be able to go back to the time when this video was made.

Back when her world wasn't ending and she wasn't helpless to stop it.

Back when Lauren was happy and healthy and secretly making surprise videos.

There isn't a thing she wouldn't do to go back to a time when the world wasn't fucking her over and taking away the only person on earth who meant every single thing to her.

But the sad reality was that there was nothing she could do, and that more than anything broke her heart.

Because she was failing Lauren.

Lauren needed something and for the first time ever, Bo couldn't give it to her.

 _"You're mine and I am so irrevocably your's. I just, I wanted you to know that."_

Then the screen goes black.

Bo starts the video yet again.

 _"Is this thing on?..."_

 _ **2**_

"Are you trying to burn a hole in my head?"

Lauren asks Bo, who has been watching her for close to half an hour now, playfully

The brunette tears her eyes away and blushes, "Sorry"

Lauren shrugs the apology away, "it's okay," she stretches the bowl in her hand, "jello?"

Bo scrunches her nose, she hates jello and has never understood why Lauren likes the crap, "no thanks."

"More for me."

Lauren says eating her beloved jello, "Penny for your thoughts?" She says when Bo starts looking at her again.

Bo scoffs, "I'm not that cheap, Lewis."

Lauren rolls her eyes, "fine, I"ll give you two pennies"

Bo laughs "It's noth-" she is ready to lie but then she changes her mind, she has been thinking about this for days, she even shopped for it and everything, might as well do it.

She takes Lauren's hands in hers and takes in a large breath.

"Let's get married."

Lauren almost chokes, "what?"

"Let's get married." She says again, becoming more confident the more she speaks, "I mean, we're already engaged so..."

"Yeah but Bo, that was before, everything."

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean."

"No, Lauren, I don't. I proposed to you because I love and I want to be with you, that hasn't changed."

"Yes it has Bo. You deserve better."

"No Lauren, I deserve you. I have worked all my life to be worthy of you because I wanted to be good enough for you. It's all I've ever wanted to be your wife. I just want to be your wife Lauren."

"And I want to be yours."

"Then let's get married. Now, today-"

"Are you sure?."

"One hundred percent."

...

 _"Marry me."_

 _That is how Bo proposed._

 _She hadn't planned on doing it that way._

 _She had something romantic and sweet all planned up but in that moment, with Lauren cuddling the cat Bo had gotten her for her birthday, talking to it like it could understand her making Bo fall more in love than she had ever thought possible; it had just slipped out._

 _They were in bed and Lauren was wearing an over sized tee with pies drawn all over it and she had let Bo borrow one of her numerous numbered shirts, they weren't really dressed for a proposal._

 _But Bo didn't care, Lauren had never been one for huge romantic gestures and the moment just felt perfect._

 _"Huh?"_

 _Was all Lauren could say._

 _"Marry me," Bo said again, a smile on her face "marry me because I love you more than life itself, marry me because you know I can make you happier than anyone else ever can, marry me because you're my favorite person on earth, Lauren." she took the ring she had bought months ago from her drawer and knelt on the bed, "Marry me."_

 _Lauren's reply was the most passionate kiss Bo had ever received._

 _The brunette took that as a yes._

...

Nurse Carina, the woman who has taken care of Lauren from the day Bo brought the blond in with a splitting headache to this moment, is the one who weds them.

Bo makes sure she has a license and everything because she wants this to be as legal as possible.

Carina smiles and tells Bo that yes, she's licensed.

The brunette goes out and gets the rings and makes herself ready and when she catches herself in the mirror, smiling, she stops putting her make up for a second.

It's been such a long while since she happily smiled when she was all alone that she had forgotten she's capable of doing that.

'I'm getting married to the love of my life today,' she thinks and her smile gets even bigger.

…

When she walks back into Lauren's room, she finds the blond looking at her dress, her face all prettied up, looking nervous as hell.

Bo's breath catches in her throat.

"Hey," she says softly.

Lauren turns around and smiles, though it doesn't reach her eyes "I'm sorry."

She whispers out.

Bo frowns, "why?"

"I wanted to look pretty for you; you deserve to have a pretty bride."

Bo takes the blonds face in her palms and makes sure her eyes convey her sincerity, "you, my love, are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life."

…

They're married in the chapel with just the and Carina and two male nurses who act as their witnesses.

Bo is an odd mixture of nervous and frighteningly happy throughout the whole thing and Lauren just keeps rubbing soothing circles at the back of the brunette's palm to calm her.

"Do you Bo," Carina starts.

"I do."

Bo cuts her off before she can even get the whole thing out.

The woman laughs and turns to Lauren who has tears pooling in her eyes' "I do too." The blond says.

"Can I kiss her now?"

"Yes, Bo," Carina chuckles, "you can."

…

They go to the rooftop of the first ever building they ever visited in the city.

Back when they were still pretending to be just best friends.

Back when they didn't have to worry about limited time and sickness and death.

Bo wants to capture that feeling of freeness back.

She wants to be as carelessly in love with Lauren as she can be and that's why the second they're on the rooftop; she's kissing her wife with everything that she is.

The kisses are sweet and desperate at the same time and Bo doesn't even know she's crying until she feels her tears on Lauren's cheek.

"I love you," she whispers out between kisses "you know that right, that I love you?"

"I know, and I love you too."

...

On Lauren's insistence, they get cake.

"Weddings have to have cake baby," she explains adorably and Bo just can't say no although she has no idea if it's good for her.

The cake they get is too big for the two of them and they end up with stomach aches but fuck it if Bo cares.

Really, with her wife laughing at their foolishness so hard that her brown eyes seem to light up the whole city, why would Bo care?

 _ **1**_

 _Bo smiled as she let herself into their apartment._

 _The weekend she had finally been waiting for was finally here._

 _Both she and her fiance were going to be free and the brunette was going to have the chance to have her wicked way with her girls body._

 _Life was going to be good._

 _Her smile fell when she noticed Lauren lying on the couch, a not so peaceful look on her face._

 _She dropped her bag, her protective mode kicking in, "baby," she knelt before the blond and called softly._

 _Brown eyes fluttered open and Lauren smiled sleepily, "you're home._

 _"And so are you, what's wrong?"_

 _"Nothing, just a headache. Come lie with me."_

 _Bo lay next to her fiance and kissed her temple, no fever._

 _"I'm fine, babe."_

 _"You sure?"_

 _"Yep. Now hush, it's cuddle time."_

 _Bo laughed and got comfortable,"okay."_

...

That is how it had all started, with a goddamned headache.

Sometimes Bo wonders if she had insisted that Lauren get checked up that day if it would have changed something.

Anything.

It's now clear, even to her, that nothing can be done.

The doctor's told her it will only be days now, it's almost over.

And to some extent, she is okay with that. She is okay with that because sometimes she looks at her wife and sees how much pain she is in, pain that not even medicine is helping with anymore and she's okay with it being over.

She's never been able to stand anything hurting Lauren.

She promises herself to make Lauren's time the very best it could be.

She fills her room with all her favorite flowers just like she always has, and brings her all her favorite movies and cooks all her favorite foods.

She makes sure to always be smiling around the blond, she needs Lauren to have as much sunshine as she possibly can.

She does silly things just to make the blond smile and kisses her more times than it is normal for one person to kiss another.

She says I love you every chance she gets she tries her very best to fill every single second with as much love as possible.

She needs Lauren to know that she is loved, she is loved in the greatest way a human being can be loved because Bo is certain she couldn't love her wife more if she tried.

She loves Lauren everyday like she's leaving because, well, she is.

...

"I have loved loving you."

Lauren says one night as they lie side to side in the darkness.

Bo feels a lump in her throat, "I have loved loving you too."

"It was the best," Lauren smiles, "wasn't it?"

"Yeah, yeah it was."

The brunette feels soft fingers trailing her cheeks,"I'd do it all over again, every single moment, every single kiss, every single argument. In a heart beat, I'd do it all over again because loving you, loving you was the best thing in my life."

"Mine too. You were my best thing Lauren."

She kisses the blond everywhere her lips can touch, "the very best."

They go to sleep minutes later, breaths mingling and fingers tangled.

And when Bo wakes up in the morning, the very first thing she realizes is that; it's over.

 _ **Fin.**_

 _Thanks for reading_.


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